i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize