My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It's Friday. Sex?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
