I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
