We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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