Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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