i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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