I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
