i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It's official drugs can't kill me
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
