He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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