he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I fill condoms, not promises.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
