pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
