He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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