What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
