Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So much rum. So many feels.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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