Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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