Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
