Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
