hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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