Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
