he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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