I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
