and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
