dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
