she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
