At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
