Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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