found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
