he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize