the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
