I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
