So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
