I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
