Tell her she can't have a vagina
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize