thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
my liver is dry heaving
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
