ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
