She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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