I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
