please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
