I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
