rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
