you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i need some magic done to my vagina
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
