She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
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