hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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