i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
