Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
why do cheetos always look like penises
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
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