Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
