His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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