Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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