yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just got carded by a ten year old.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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