i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
