And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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