Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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