don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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