How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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