So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
