dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize