Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
