hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I deserve this hangover.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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