I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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