I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
