Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
