I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
