Don't you send me to vm
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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