I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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