I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
