ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she smelled like a LAN party
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
