My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
