if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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