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There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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