What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
