I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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