As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
