i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
