This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
