Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
