the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
