I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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